Faithful

Today I want to continue sharing what I have learned in my marriage. I’m not saying I’m a marriage expert, because I still have lots to learn, but maybe my insights can encourage or help others in their journey with their spouse or show young people who are looking to get married what this life looks like.

One word that has struck me in the last couple of months is the word “faithful”. The depth to which I am to be faithful to my wife is so much more than just the outward appearances but stretches down to my affections and thoughts (my inner man/being). Jesus says this in Matthew 5:28 “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (ESV)

Wow, that is pretty intense. Most people do their best not to physically commit adultery with another person, but this calls us to a level of faithfulness that is unheard of. I think that we tend to forget that not only have we pledged to love our spouse with our physical members(our body), but also with our mind(thoughts), and our heart(affections).This is so important married men, adultery starts in the heart, if you can win the battle in the heart you will win it in the flesh. That is why James says in James 1:13-15,

”Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.”(ESV)

It is so important to keep your heart guarded so that you can stay faithful in your marriage. Because it all starts in your heart. This is very applicable in your relationship with Christ.

There are several warnings against idolatry in scripture. Idolatry is not you carving a wooden figure and you worship it, but it is anything you place above Christ and find satisfaction in. Television can easily become an idol, so can cell phones, relationships, even FACEBOOK!

As believers we too have to guard our hearts and not allow ourselves to worship anything else but 

Christ. “Little children, guard yourselves from idols.” 1 John 5:21. The Bible says in Matthew 22:37, “And he[Jesus] said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind”.

We should seek to honor God with every aspect of our life. Not just our external actions but also the activities of our heart. I constantly must be vigilant to keep watch and make sure I do not exalt anything above Christ because nothing else is worth the worship that is due His name.

My wife is a very jealous person, as she should be. If at any time she feels that something or someone is taking the attention that is due her name, she sees fit to intervene. The same is true about our Lord. He is jealous for us and if anything seems to come between us and Him he will see fit to intervene.

“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God…” Exodus 20:4-5.

So how do we guard ourselves in our marriage? Here are three things I have learned to do in my first year of marriage.

1. Don’t keep secrets. It is always in the dark places that the enemy is at work. Secrets have a habit of making you keep a secret life.
2. Be careful of how “close” you allow people to come. No one should get into the secret places of your heart except your spouse.
3. No one should know more than your spouse. This is a very practical thing that means a lot to your spouse.

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What Marriage Has Taught Me

For the next couple of posts I want to talk about what I've learned from my marriage. I have been thinking about writing this since the week after my marriage. See just in the first week I learned how different marriage is and how it clarifies what my relationship with Christ should look like. It has been amazing to see with clarity what it means to be united with Christ and to see what Christ is doing for me.

Paul says this in Ephesians 5:31-32 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”  Daily I learn this mystery and marvel at the love and mercy of Christ.

I have now been married to my beautiful wife for a year this past March. It has been a great adventure, but it has not been without its tough times. See marriage has this habit of showing you who you really are. See, when I lived alone it was easy to believe that I was perfect, but when you live with someone you are able to see how imperfect you are. Marriage for me has truly been a sanctifying process to make me more like Christ.

In the first week of my marriage I learned how selfless my wife is. I also learned how selfish I was and still am. I learned how much I demand my life to be about me instead of others.  The Lord convicted me of this and continually calls me to lay myself down for my wife in every way possible.

In Ephesians 5:25-26 we are given a picture of marriage. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word...”(ESV)

I learn the gravity of this scripture daily, knowing that I have been given to my wife so that I can love her and guide her into Christ. Daily I worship God by laying down my desires, goals and ambitions to love, protect and care for my wife. I look at the example of Christ and follow it knowing that this is what pleases God. I remind myself daily that my first ministry is to her and that I am to let nothing come between us.

The same is true with Christ, He laid his life down for us to redeem us and cleanse us. We often like to hear that Christ died to save us but we never look at ourselves as possessions. See if I go out and buy something, I use it for whatever I need it for. Why? Because I bought it, and just as Christ has bought us, we are to live for His purposes and plans and not our own.

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20, ESV)

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”(1 Peter 2:9, ESV)

And because of that I must also see myself as a possession of my wife, given to her to be utilized for her good.  “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” (1 Corinthians 7:4). Even though this passage speaks of conjugal rights, how much more should it mean everything else, my time, affections, gifts, talents and resources? 

If you are married, look at the example of Christ and endeavor to be selfless and purpose to do everything for the benefit of your spouse. Encourage them, pray for them, lead them to Christ daily and you will come to a greater understanding of how Christ is serving you.

If you are single, endeavor to be a possession of the Lord. Practice now denying yourself so that you can come to an understanding of what marriage is supposed to look like.

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